Thursday, December 19, 2013


I'm Turning 28 Tomorrow

Yum, nachos!
Makeup: Studio Gear CC Cream, Sephora MicroSmooth powder,
Kat Von D True Romance eye trio, Benefit They're Real! mascara
I get a little freaked out at the sound of, "I'm turning 28" when people ask me how old I am.

I know, I know, I'm still young, and should be proud to look so youthful still. (Especially when I see drug addicts who are younger than me look like they're in their mid forties!)

But as a musician and style/beauty blogger, I feel my time is limited. I won't look like this forever, and both career choices seem to have an unwritten 'shelf life'. The odds of major success (however you define it) tend to be less favorable the older and wrinklier you get. What is in your favor is practice and skill.. However, that doesn't change the fact that your general audience doesn't care to watch an aging star- unless she is EPIC. Think Siouxie, or Madonna.

It can be a little disheartening. But also very inspiring, because this is the shit I stand for- defying odds and breaking social norms.

It's true, 'age is just a number' and 'you're only as old as you feel'... (I feel ancient some days!) ...but it is also many other things, like experience. More life lessons. Perhaps new, different opportunities.

Sounds like it could be fun.

I don't feel any different. With the exception of hair and body mods, I don't look any different than I did 5 years ago. The aging process hasn't been very obvious with me in the last.. 10 years?? I'm good with that. I'll enjoy it while I can, live in the now.

Now is not the time to start worrying about what I'm going to look like in 2 years, rather, I should focus on being HEALTHY and taking care of my body. As you probably know by now, I am a vegetarian and tend to eat nutritious meals and hardly any sweets. But there is much more to be done than that- I have to remember to take my multivitamin every day, drink plenty of water, and yes, probably less alcohol. I still haven't found my sleep rhythm. (Sleep is super important!) And I need to manage my stresses better. These are things I work on, day by day.

I'm not afraid to tell people my age. But I am bothered that I'm another year closer to 30 and I hadn't achieved my goals because life got in the way. But I still have plenty of time ahead of me. Shit happens, and it's how you overcome those obstacles and learn from them that matters, and you have to keep moving forward.

I can't wait to see what future days have to offer, but I need to make the most of where I am right now, and not let my impatience get the best of me. I am thankful for where I am at the moment, but I see, with a lot of hard work, myself in a better, more inspiring place, and it's hard not to get discouraged because I'm not there yet.

One day at a time........


  1. Age is a fickle thing. I don't think I have ever been an age in my life and said "_ age is the best age". It's always been more along the lines of "if only I was _". I don't know that we generally think of a single age as a desirable age to be in that moment. I don't see it as a bad thing, though; it's actually quite beautiful to me. If that number is in the past, I can say that I am appreciative to recognize the insights I gained and the experience I had at that age. If that number is in the future, it means I look forward to the growth I will experience as an individual (and that I am not suicidal, bonus points!). I think you grasp that, but you also have that appreciation of the present.

    I'd also remark that while the general audience doesn't care to watch an aging star, you aren't targeting the general audience. Also, considering what your aim is, to combat the monotony of social norms, it would seem like continuing to carry on in that endeavor while aging strengthens your message. Look at it this way: the people who already like you/subscribe/follow/whatever other sites call it these days are not the ones you have to convince. They already get it. The individuals who adhere and try to manipulate others to the social norms are the targets, and these people typically will see the alternative scene as just a "phase" for youths that they will grow out of. Each year that passes where you don't "grow out of" it only further reinforces that this is who you are, and it is what makes you beautiful. Some people will not like it; they'll miss the point entirely, but I'd venture to guess that some people will take note and challenge their existing viewpoints.

    Ten years ago my mom would hate the music I am into, wonder what was wrong with me, etc, if I showed her anything I listened to. What changed is she has seen me go through some low points in my life, and during those times, the only time she might ever see me crack a smile or hear some enthusiasm in my voice was about something music related. She didn't understand it, but she saw it made me happy, and that was good enough for her. My mother is someone who is very set in her beliefs the majority of the time (through upbringing), but she has a very good heart, and in the end, that will always shine through. You're fighting a good fight, and that's not going to change if you are 18, 28, or 88.

    At the risk of being dreadfully verbose, I want to share one more thing. I can relate on the feeling of having a year go by and being disappointed that I didn't achieve what I felt I could/should have, but a friend of mine opened my eyes to something. I wrote to her remarking how unproductive my last year was, that I didn't accomplish anything of note and compared to the year prior, it was a pathetic showing. I cited all the things I had done in that year to illustrate my point. In her response, she noted that I said the exact same thing a year ago, and I was at a loss for words. Instantly it took the credibility out of what I said this year; it disarmed me. Then my mom had some health issues that I traveled back home to help out with. That process was another eye opener because it showed me that the previous year didn't see me accomplish things in a way that are easily visible or quantifiable, but it made me recognize the growth in me as a person; I saw the emotional growth, the sensitivity I acquired, the strength I had gained. It was encouraging to say the least. I have a long way to go, but the journey doesn't seem as arduous when you are able to see the progress.

    I'd venture to guess you have accomplished a lot more than you realize, and at the end of the day, you're still really fucking young, look great, and you have an attitude that others would kill for. Like you said, one day at a time. But in 90 minutes, your one day should be one of celebration, so have a very happy birthday!

    1. Wowweee! Thank you, you most definitely get it! I was not expecting such a response, but was EXACTLY what I needed to hear! (And spot-on) I have accomplished a lot, more than I give myself credit for, yet not enough to feel accomplished in the ways I had hoped.. but that does not mean I failed- I grew, faced many obstacles, and overcame them as well. Every now and then I catch myself doing something that, at this time last year, I thought was difficult, and I'm reminded how much I've grown.. Maybe I'm too hard on myself, but I'd rather set the bar high and face a challenge than be bored to death. Just need to remember to take time to reflect and acknowledge achievements... You, my friend, are a good man. Thank you. :)


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