Diary: On Producing "Godlike"

Guitar by ESP

There are many days when my favorite thing in the world, writing, is a practice in futility. And I've come to realize only a select few people truly understand what I mean by that.. 

But "Godlike" is different. 

It just poured out of my head, onto the paper. And it's a monster. 

"There is a part of me 

That is the very thing you fear. 

As blind as you are, I 

Thought you could at least hear it." 

I wasn't so sure I'd see the day when I finally felt okay about my creations. 

There's something about puking my soul up in front of the world that I find utterly terrifying. It's not about facing judgement, it's about the act of spitting out the harsh realities of my life in the form of words. I'm generally not one to talk about my fears and inadequacies, and screaming them for the world to hear is a really big thing for me. 

It's also very liberating. 

Ahh, the days of T7N, long hair, and no tattoos...

I've never felt so inspired since T7N, and perhaps it is the memories, as well as hopes for the future, that have brought me here again. Every day I'm surrounded by reminders of a project I loved, and still do, no matter how long it's been or what I've endured. Every day I'm reminded of a friendship that knows no distance, and is perhaps everything I've ever wanted in a musical partner. And honestly, the only time I've ever truly felt I was home. 

Things are a lot different now, and I'm not just talking about not playing with gear that I salivate just by looking at it.. LOL No, things are very different. And I kind of feel a part of me was lost when the project was put on hold. But I also feel a bigger, stronger part of me was discovered, too. 

I'm a loner right now, and I think I like it that way. 

I'm not completely sure what the future holds for me, and if there was one thing I learned best over the years, it's not to worry about what may or may not be- just focus on what is, and work with that. Slow down and enjoy the journey... 

"I love the way you make me look- 

Reckless, prodigal, decadent. 

You're right- there's a monster inside 

And I'll be damned if I hide it."