What Is "Perfect", Anyway?

Every day I see people [women, especially] comparing themselves to other bloggers, models, celebrities, etc. I see countless comments on my friends' photos saying, "perfection", "gorgeous", "so jelly".... Too many of them spend countless hours looking at photos of other people living out their fabulous lives, and wishing their own were better. 

And I can't, for the life of me, understand why they spend so much time and energy living vicariously through 'perfect' people they [probably] don't even know, instead of creating their own version of 'fabulous'... 

What is "perfect", anyway? 

"Perfect" is merely an idea, a vision, and a false one at that. It's a badge that people pin to others they deem 'better' than themselves, for whatever reason- beauty, lifestyle, etc. It's an excuse for them to think poorly of themselves, and not strive for more, for happiness. 

What they don't realize [even if they say they do] is that "perfection" is impossible. There is no "perfect". Nobody is perfect, no one has a perfect life, and no one can ever achieve perfection in anything they do. It's all in their heads. 

Fuck "perfect"!  

"Perfection" is a lie we tell ourselves to [subconsciously] make us feel like shit, and keep us from striving to reach our full potential. So let's just throw that word right in the trash. Erase it from your vocabulary. 

And if you find yourself dwelling on how fabulous someone else's life is, and feeling shitty about your own, turn off your computer and go do something! 

Our lives are what we make of them- no more, no less. And they're just that- ours. 

Who cares what our famous internet 'friends' are doing at any given moment? They don't dictate your life, so why are you giving their images [of all things] that kind of power over you? You're only making excuses not to do anything with yourself. 

You CAN have the kind of life you've always dreamt of, but only if you stop limiting yourself with negative thinking. 

We have to learn to love and believe in ourselves before all else. So what if our lives suck right now? With positive thinking and positive action, we can completely turn it around. 

If you stop dwelling on how "perfect" everything is for others, and putting yourself down, and instead, focus on all the good things in our lives [great weather, good mood, awesome food, whatever..], things WILL start getting better. Positive thinking leads to positive action, followed by positive reaction from the world.... 

[Some of my financially poorest years led me to become rich in mind and spirit.]

<3 Change your mind, change your life. <3 

And above all else, FORGET ABOUT PERFECTION ALREADY! 

My Thoughts On Photoshopping [For Style Bloggers]

FYI, what I am about to say in this article is not directed at fashion publishing, advertising, etc., this article is aimed directly at personal style bloggers who Photoshop their images. Not the photographers they may work with (those photos are products of the photographer, not the model(s), and this does not apply), but the photos they took themselves, or had enlisted the help of a friend or significant other, blah blah blah..

Girls, seriously, stop Photoshopping yourselves to look like a fashion model clone in every single photo you post online.

When it comes to personal style blogging, you are sharing your personal style. This includes the dilemmas of bad skin days, and fat days, and my-hair-hates-me days, etc. Don't tell me you don't have those days, because everyone has them. These are very 'human' things, and are also things your readers can relate to.

I'll be the first to tell you- I'm suffering from a huge breakout at the moment. Yes, I have skin problems. But you won't see me Photoshopping my imperfections out of my photos, especially when I'm keeping a diary of my life- an acne breakout is a part of my life... This is a small example.

I've heard of girls who not only routinely edit their skin and hair, but also make themselves look thinner- stomach, thighs, etc. And I'm appalled.

Style blogging isn't about changing your image to look like a high fashion model, but rather, showing off who you really are, the person that people admire (even if you don't see it right now). Not everyone is going to like their body 100%, but the old adage is true- it really is what's on the inside that matters. It does take some time for people to accept this, generally speaking, but it's a necessary realization.

I think, as a style blogger, it's more about creation of character, much as an actor would, but the character is your actual self. You can be anything you want to be, as long as you have the faith in yourself and your means. We all have our little quirks and imperfections, and it's up to us to accept them as a part of who we are, and still go on, being the best we can be.

And if you're so worried about being the "perfect blogger" to appeal to brands, think again-

Look at me- pretty much everything about me goes against what society views as 'beautiful'- I have many tattoos and piercings, a masculine haircut, I cuss like a sailor, make terrible [terribly awesome?] sounds with my keyboard and guitar, and you're more likely to see me in black skate sneakers than high heels. And yet, somehow, the vast majority of people view me as beautiful. And I'm doing just fine as far as brand partnerships go, BTW...

Why is this?

I don't give a shit. That's it. I don't care what people think about me, or how I look, or what I do. I know I'm doing what I need to be doing right now, and that's what matters. It's about confidence and not doing what society mindlessly tells you to do, when your gut is telling you what's really right for you.

I don't take myself, or life, too seriously.

Be yourself, and don't be ashamed of who you are. If you are doing good things and always being honest [with yourself, as well as others], you have nothing to feel guilty about. Stop beating yourself up, and be the best 'you' you can be! It doesn't matter what you look like- don't hide yourself away from the world!

Stand up straight and always carry yourself with confidence, even at times when you seem to be lacking. Write about the things you feel strongly about. Focus on your best physical assets (and stop kicking yourself over the ones you don't like! No one really cares!). 

Be good to yourself. Reward yourself for your accomplishments. Take some time to pamper yourself, as well as being alone and quiet, and being at one with your intuition. Feed yourself well (but refrain from overeating), and focus on being healthy. Get to know and love who you are, and be kind to yourself. 

That's it. That's all that really matters. Once you learn how to love yourself, you can finally learn how to truly love others. The rest kind of falls into place on its own... 

...And you won't care about Photoshopping your images. Seriously. 

When you stop caring about what others think about how you look, and are proud to be who you are, Photoshopping a tiny blemish that people really don't give a crap about seems trivial and unnecessary. The same goes for making your thighs thinner and your belly smaller or your boobs bigger. It just doesn't matter. What does matter is that you are a great person and have something good you can bring to the world. Do what you love the most, and don't worry about the naysayers. 

I Don't Read Fashion Blogs, And Here's Why

Before you give me a lecture on the importance of networking and reading other blogs in your niche, hear me out-

I don't read other fashion/style blogs for a very good reason.

Here's why:

When you spend so much time on other peoples' blogs, taking in their style, watching what they do... you eventually begin modeling yourself and your posts after those people and their blogs.

Not that it's a bad thing- it's great for beginning bloggers who need and/or want to learn. But as an experienced blogger (I began online journaling back in 2002, before 'blogging' was even a word), I know exactly who I am. I know (for the most part) what I want to include on this blog. I know what I like, as well as what I don't like.

And I don't want to lose that. I'll look for inspiration and material for reference, but that's it.

Fuck fashion, and fuck everyone who thinks you have to blog a certain way to be considered successful. 'Success' is defined by the blogger, and the goals he/she has set for him/herself.

You set your own rules, and don't let anyone tell you differently.

FUCK FASHION: I Just Don't Give A Shit Anymore

Throwback from 2009 (T7N). Still love it.

There was a time when what people thought about me mattered. I was quite the people pleaser. (I still am now.... but on my own terms.) This was several years ago now, a time when my sense of self worth was dictated by the opinions of others.

Back in high school, I was a total GEEK. I tried to fit in, to be fashionable, to be liked... I wasn't very good at any of it, honestly. Boys didn't like me. Or, I should say- I was a friend, never girlfriend material.

I was going through hard times at home. I didn't have many true friends I could talk to. And to those I could, I never did, because I was afraid to admit to the hardships I was enduring. And I utterly, completely hated myself. I thought it was something I deserved.

And I wanted to die.

Eventually, I got serious about music and after 5 or so years of doing what I loved, I began learning how to love myself. I had the chance to recreate who I was, and begin living the life I felt I should have... as an artist.

It wasn't an easy task. I had to push out all the naysayers, every single person who didn't believe I had the mental capacity to decide anything for myself, let alone anything against the norm... and that was pretty much my entire family, as well as what few "friends" I had.

I met many wonderful people who taught me many wonderful things. Even though I don't get to see them often, every single person holds a special place in my heart. I have learned and grown so much because of our friendships.

Once I started learning how to produce music, many thanks to Chris (I adore you), I had released the equivalent of 3 demos, 4 albums, and 2 single releases. Not too shabby. I'm learning a skill that can serve me in many ways.

Just when I felt strong and almost on top of the world, I was attacked. Held and tortured, with the intent to kill. I won't go any further into the details. This is a touchy subject.

But the next day, I continued on with my life as if it never happened. Because, fortunately, I was thankful to be alive and that's all that mattered. Physical wounds heal. No one can truly hurt you unless you give them that power. I was alive, and happy to be so.

Today, three years and I don't care how many months/days later, I am still alive and happy.

I won't lie- I still deal with the effects of PTSD on a weekly basis. However, my brain has a funny way of blocking out dreams and bad memories (years of conditioning) to keep me sane. I am stronger now. I make a point to enjoy the little things. And I am very thankful for what good things I do have in my life.

I am going to be 28 years old in a month and 8 days. I am now finally mending fences with my mother. FINALLY I may soon be able to leave for a larger city (so many problems kept coming up over the past few years, it wasn't an option). And now, finally, NOW, I am nearing completion of "Breaking Pandora", a masterpiece 4+ years in the making... There are no words to describe what I am feeling right now. It has been a very long and difficult few years.

I've also gained other wonderful things during this time, which I am very thankful for. I found a cute artist boyfriend who adores me, and will continue to be a major supporting 'cast member' in the future of my online 'reality show'.....in a different city... This blog, after only a few short months, has earned me the opportunity to receive many wonderful gifts from several different companies. I hope to continue to partner with other brands and expand my resume. You have been very kind. I also hope to one day earn the opportunity to make this my job- to document my life, share what I'm wearing, and create art. Music. This is my dream. And I want to use it to help others as well.

At this point in my life, I know who I am and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks about me. I would only suggest considering the source before jumping to conclusions.

I'm no good at following trends, let alone keeping up with 'the latest'. But I do know what I like to wear, what I think is cool, and I wear it proudly. You see, it's not always about what you wear, but rather, how you wear it. Diversity is more widely accepted now- BE YOURSELF!

In living honestly, with yourself and everyone else, you learn to overcome the weak human ego, and discover true happiness. (Unless you truly know gratitude, everything you thought about happiness is a lie...)

Material possessions are not a means to pass judgement- they don't matter. But once you start living with a mentality of abundance, wealth just follows... Work hard every day and be thankful for everything you have. Stay humble. Try to help others. And stay true to yourself and everyone else.

And take some time to enjoy the little things- even if it's just painting your nails.

This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race

Ahhh, style blogging... there are so many horrible, offensive things I could say about this niche. But I won't.

To quote Fall Out Boy:
"This ain't a scene, it's a goddamned arms race."

There is so much competition and animosity in the fashion world. Everyone feels the need to outdo everyone else. Bloggers determine their worth based on how much free shit they get. Bonus points if they get Fashion Week invites. And those who don't, adopt the 'fake it til you make it' mindset.

Every now and then I question why I got into personal style blogging in the first place.

This isn't narcissism, if that's what you're thinking. This is a way to track my style as it evolves, write about the things I like (and what's on my mind), and maybe even inspire others in some way. I enjoy expressing myself with (anti)fashion; I am not a slave to trends.

People either like me or they don't. Those who don't are usually intimidated due to a reason of their own.

I don't care who's wearing what (and by whom) to whatever fancy ceremony, party, etc.

And in all honesty, I really don't care what people think about what I wear. I dress to impress myself, and to feel beautiful and confident. If I inspire you, awesome! If you hate it, move along.

Haters gonna hate. There is nothing you can do about that, but understand that the more people talk, even if it's negative, the more you're affecting them on a personal level. As a blogger, this is a very good thing. It's when they stop talking, then you need to be concerned.

"I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And I don't really care which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in" 

Ready. Aim. Fire.

FUCK FASHION: More On Not Giving A Shit

In my last FUCK FASHION article, The Art of Not Giving a Shit, I put a lot of emphasis on being true to yourself, and others, and being the best 'you' you can be.

It doesn't matter what you look like or where you come from, what 'scene' you belong to, or how much money you spend. Being yourself is a good thing, and even if others aren't too keen on your personal style choices, it is perhaps a good way to weed out the more open minded people from those you wouldn't want to keep around.

In being different, you may receive a lot of criticism from bigots and other generally not-nice people. But those people don't matter. Fuck them and their closed minded thinking.

When you are 'real' and confident with yourself, comments from people who are less than supportive don't matter anymore. ('Who cares what that asshole thinks?') Insecure people lash out when they feel jealousy or that their personal beliefs have been threatened. Their problem isn't you- it's their insecurities at play.

You will also receive a lot of positive feedback from the less 'shady' people around you when you do your own thing. People generally show a lot of respect for those who aren't afraid to be themselves, especially because many of them don't have the guts to stand out on their own. These people tend to be very supportive.

Then again, if you really 'don't give a shit', it doesn't matter what people say or think. But positive reinforcement is a wonderful thing.

Don't be afraid to be yourself, because you're going to face criticism no matter what you do. You don't need to live your life in fear of what people will say or think if you're 'different'. 'Haters gonna hate' regardless.

So make it easy on yourself- BE YOU. At least you won't be living a lie.

FUCK FASHION: The Art of Not Giving a Shit

Tattoos aren't everyone's cup of tea,
but that doesn't make me 'ugly' or a
'bad person'. I just express myself a
little differently. If you don't like it,
that's your problem, not mine.

You read it right- the art of not giving a shit.

I think everything I have to say on this topic revolves around having confidence in yourself, so if you have some issues you need to work out, I suggest you read this article.

No matter who you are or where you come from, you will have to face some sort of criticism throughout your entire life. Whether it comes from someone else, or we're our own worst critics, we have to know when to take it as constructive criticism or ignore it altogether. Consider the source.

When you stop worrying about what others think, and be true to yourself and those around you, you are free to be who you are.

If people can't accept you for how you dress and/or what you look like, maybe those aren't the kind of people you want to associate with. The same goes if those around you don't support your love of photography, or traveling, etc. You need to surround yourself with like-minded people who will encourage you to live your dreams, and don't waste your time with the negative ones who will hold you back.

Know your boundaries and stick with them. You must have some sort of personal morals that you live by, a sense of what's right and wrong for you. Listen to your gut feeling. Don't let yourself be pressured into something you really don't want to do.

Wear what makes you happy. You don't have to be trendy to be liked and considered stylish. Clothing trends change quickly, and are often inspired by some random person in the street who wore something that sparked an idea. 'Fashionable' is only a matter of opinion. The only definite in personal style is YOU. As long as you know and are confident with who you are, it doesn't matter what you wear.

Focus on being the best 'you' you can be, and stop worrying about what you are not. You can't please everyone, and it's not worth trying. Just get out there and do what you do best!

FUCK FASHION: It Starts With Confidence

You want to know the secret to looking absolutely stunning?

It's CONFIDENCE.

Not the "in" shoes, bag, sunglasses, jacket, etc.. Not the most expensive perfume you can afford. And, believe it or not, it certainly isn't money.

CONFIDENCE.

Not to be confused with egotism, confidence is that awesome state of being that improves your posture, and you smile more, and tend to have a great attitude- people generally want to be around you. No matter what you're wearing, you will never truly be able to look amazing without confidence.

I know, it doesn't come easy for everyone.

A lot of people struggle with self esteem. You may be too short, too fat, have a big nose, have bad skin, have suffered injuries, diseases/disorders, etc. You may have been teased or beaten up a lot. You may still be harassed today. But I can tell you something-

You CAN change that.

When you stop dwelling on the negative things, and focus on the positive, your mindset will begin to change. This shift will help you to bring out the good things in yourself, and start working toward happiness.

Accept and learn to laugh at your flaws. We've all got them, and the only thing that truly matters is how we handle our own. When we are confident, we are less likely to get caught up in our insecurities and make it 'weird', and that's less awkwardness for us to deal with. It takes practice interacting with people, but in time, after various successes in facing your fears, you will start to gain confidence in yourself.

Get away from those who bring you down. You want to surround yourself with caring, supportive people who encourage you to be your best every day. If you are in a bad life situation, get yourself out of there immediately. There is always help if you need it. Your environment, and the people in it, have a very strong influence on your emotions.

Do what YOU want to do. Do you dream of working for yourself? Traveling the world? Being a writer? Then do it! You can if you put your mind to it. Set both long and short term goals and do something every day to achieve them. Your hard work WILL pay off, you will have learned much from the journey, and you will be doing something that makes you happy.

Take some time for yourself. When you're having a hard time emotionally, find some time to go to the spa to unwind (or soak in the tub for a while), or paint, or go hiking, or whatever you like to do to get away from the stresses of the world. You need that time to get yourself back to a positive mindset. Positivity is everything!

Once you have found confidence in who you are and what is important to you, you won't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about what you're wearing.

Dress for YOU. Wear the things that flatter your assets and make you feel beautiful. Carry yourself with confidence. And SMILE!

That, my friends, is the key to looking absolutely stunning- CONFIDENCE!

Introducing: FUCK FASHION

Sex, Drugs, & Unicorns

Over the next month or so, I will writing posts for a series I'd like to call FUCK FASHION.

As the title suggests, FUCK FASHION challenges social norms and society's idea of 'beauty' and being 'stylish'. Beauty and fashion are merely a matter of opinion, nothing else. It is from these opinions that trends form, and people follow like sheep. Often these opinions are inspired by a number of subcultures- goths, punks, surfers, nerds, etc.

This is why I say, "FUCK FASHION!" If you are going to be a gorgeous, unique, and inspiring individual, you need to not worry about public opinion. You need to do/wear what you want to do/wear, and not give a shit what anybody thinks about you. And you may face a lot of criticism. But it's a growing opportunity - sticks and stones, people - that will make you  into a much more amazing person.

All FF posts will be labeled with the tag FUCK FASHION, so check it out, bookmark it, whatever. I'd love to know your thoughts and opinions on the posts in this series, so please take a moment to comment and/or share them with your friends.